The Wisdom of the Ages
Lay Speaker Bonnie Sirico
Sunday, July 16, 2006

“Respect your Elders!” my mother firmly commanded. I don’t remember which one of the eight of us kids she said that to most often – probably one of my brothers. But the message rang through me. “Respect your Elders.” At that young age, this statement could imply a number of things. I should have asked for clarification. Such as, what exactly do you mean by Respect? And who exactly fits into the “Elders” category? But in my mind, asking such questions would break the #1 unspoken laws: “Never question your Elders!” They were always right. And being right and old, must mean they were wise as well. I had never heard anyone say Wise Young Sage? By definition, Sages were old.

So, back to the “who is an Elder” dilemma. It was a given that grandparents and “old” people were Elders. Mom and Dad, too. Elder = Older, which equaled, well, just about everyone around me, including all but one of my seven siblings – okay, I didn’t always respect them, but heck, every kid knows that brothers and sisters are seldom right! I felt trapped. I was filled with questions, but many of them directly contradicted the “Elders” that I was to respect and not question.

Where can we find Wisdom? How do we attain it? Does each of us have it already deep within ourselves? And if so, how do we extract it?

This quandary propelled me to become a quiet observer. Through the years, I have learned to watch people. Young, old, rich, poor, powerful, powerless, people who spoke English and those that did not. People of different religions. I learned that I was able to sense how people “felt”. I have observed their interactions, reactions, and viewpoints. The empathic side of me became increasingly sensitive to the cause and effect of actions on a given person’s mood and well-being. I applied all of this to my quest for answers concerning Wisdom.

I’ve observed that Wisdom is not necessarily possessed by the chronologically gifted! Wisdom is not the assumed direct result of more years of existence on this Earth. It is the product of traits such as Experience, Insight, Awareness and Perspective. It is the result of looking at events with a realistic analysis and seeing the lessons or messages hidden inside. And, as for age, the young have an advantage, the very young especially, because they don’t mask their feelings. Granted, they don’t yet possess the ingredient of Experience, but, given the opportunity to speak freely, a child has the unique ability to look at a situation with clarity usually unmasked by adult fears of being too honest or offending someone. We’ve all been in a situation where we cringed at a child’s brute, yet effective, honesty. At the age of five, my son snatched a cigarette out of his grandmother’s hand just as she reached to light it. Slightly annoyed, Mom asked “Now honey, why did you do that?” Rob’s reply? “Grandma, please don’t smoke. I don’t want you to die.” Now there’s an effective anti-smoking campaign! Forget the Surgeon General’s polite scare tactic. Which campaign do you think worked for Grandma?

Perspective: Children have an advantage. In my home town of Tucson, a truck driver, unfamiliar with the low underpass of the 6th Avenue Bridge, got his truck hopelessly stuck. Rush hour traffic snarled, people cursed the out-of-town driver. Tow trucks and Fire & Rescue trucks fought there way to the scene bringing a civil engineer to assess the dilemma. It was a young boy near the front of the line of traffic who tugged on his mother’s shirt and said “Why don’t they just let the air out of the tires?”

We adults can learn a great deal from the younger generation’s open, honest view of life. Often, they are more in touch with their true self, more aware, more centered. It is difficult to deny being moved by the insightful awareness of our teens as they share their views of God and religion during the UU bridging ceremony. Many of us have been so moved by the words of these wise young people that we have reviewed our own spiritual roots and looked more deeply into ourselves. Revising our purpose in this church and, perhaps, in life.

I believe that we each posses an inner wisdom that becomes overshadowed by years of pain and resentment. We become closed to our own inner light. The insight and clear perspective that we once possessed as children becomes obscured like a path overgrown with weeds. We become disconnected with our true self. The self that Buddha speaks of. The place of inner peace that so many religions strive for. The truth that is in the present moment. Not looking to the future, grasping at a goal. Not looking to the past, clinging onto resentment and regret. Pains that hurt like rocks inside a clenched fist. If we could just open the fist, just let go and be here in the moment. Centered. This is the stuff meditations strive for. The insight into inner Wisdom.

Yesterday I stopped by the church. I felt a calling to wander around the grounds. I stood out beyond the Remembrance Garden and looked up at our wonderful building. And I felt a power here. I walked to the Labyrinth and decided to take a few minutes to walk it. Carefully I moved aside the sprinkler, walked into the opening and took a deep breath to realign myself. I asked that I might find some peacefulness or message as I traveled thru it. And, I started my journey. Walking slowly, I found myself at the center in less than a minute. That’s not right, I thought, so I started over. This time, I concentrated on each step, making certain that I followed the outline of the bricks on either side of my feet. I soon discovered my mistake. Grass and some clover had grown over some of the bricks, obscuring the true path. I had to concentrate, feeling the earth between my feet. Taking care where I stepped with my sandaled feet, so as not to step on the bees as they enjoyed the clover, I became aware of the web of life. The grass and weeds had gently overgrown their boundaries and had flowered, giving food to the bees and shade to the ants and bugs below, forcing me to slow my steps, not rush, be there in the moment. I journeyed to the center, took a deep breath and closed my eyes. The sun felt warm on my face and I became acutely aware of its brightness. And, as its white light hit me, I felt a sense of God’s light. Concentrated and warm, loving and kind and I thought “Maybe God’s light is in each of us bright and warm. Maybe, like the overgrown bricks, we have to step carefully thru the weeds and grass of experience, taking the time to observe each step as we walk to our center. To our inner Wisdom. And at the center is God’s light. What if we DO all share a connection with one another? And what if, instead of one God governing over all of us, God were the culminations of all our inner lights. Concentrated. What an amazing force. And it’s all US! God, Goddess, He, She, It…. Technically, they’re all God. Everyone is right. The message that hurting one another does hurt God would really be true.”

I walked out of the center of the Labyrinth feeling a sense of wonder. Feeling connected and centered. I was brought back to reality by a Medivac helicopter flying overhead. And this reminded me of the connectedness of life’s events. That, as Albert Einstein said, our existence on this earth is short. There is Wisdom in seeing how important our interactions are with one another. A memory flashed of Easter several years ago. I had made steaks on the grill at the request of my grandfather-in-law, who we had picked up from the nursing home for the holiday dinner. Pops hadn’t been doing too well and I felt he should get to eat what he wanted. Everyone was filling their plates, Pop’s had already started eating, when someone noticed that Pop’s was having trouble. He was choking. “He’s okay, just give him a second.”
 

No, he’s not.
Time stood still.
We all stared hoping he would spit it out.
“He’s not ok! Call 911!” I barked.

I’m not sure what came over me. Chairs flew. I pulled him out of the chair and started the Heimlich maneuver. I felt his body go limp, looked into his cloudy blue eyes and saw him drifting away. Determined that this was not going to happen in MY kitchen on the steak that I made for him, I wrenched him up again. He gasped for air. I silently sent a message…
”Not here Pop’s. Not like this. Not in front of my daughter and your daughter. Sorry Pop’s, but you have to choose another place. Not here. Not now. Not like this.”

His body was limp again and the eyes even more distant.
“It’s not working!” I yelled.
911 – “Lay him on the floor”
We did.
“Lift his neck and tilt his head back.”
We did.

And slowly he pulled in air. The paramedics arrived and I knew Pop’s would be okay when he complained that the IV hurt. Grumpy old Fart! He really was crotchety and later, quite angry that we didn’t let him just die. He was tired of life. Tired of being a burden. The last several years, he was angry at the world. My mother-in-law viewed the day as horrible.

From my perspective, it could have been worse.
And deep inside, I felt there was a reason for that event. Maybe even more than one, if we were lucky or maybe just observant.

The following New Year we went to visit Pop’s in the nursing home. To me, he was different. His energy had softened. Oh, he was still grumpy, but in his eyes I saw a sense of peace, a quiet acceptance. I knew he was ready now. He had spent the last eight months making peace with himself. And as we left, I said goodbye to him. He died a few days later. And, I knew he was happier than he had been in years.

Just the next month, another reason for that grim Easter Day came to light. I had gotten food poisoning and was very sick. In the middle of the night, I rushed to the bathroom once again, but felt faint. All I could think was “Get closer to the floor.” No words would come out. My last thought was the loud imprint of the letters of my husband’s name.

I was not breathing when Louis found me. He rolled me onto my back and eventually I came to. I will save my side of that near-death experience for another time…. Dazed and confused, my senses slowly returned. I asked what he had done to get me breathing again. He said, “I did what 911 had you do to Pops. I lifted your neck and tilted your head back.”

“If that had not happened to Pops, would you have known what to do?” I asked.

“No”, Louis admitted. “I wouldn’t have had a clue.”

I do think that things happen for a reason. Good and bad. The Wisdom is in looking deeper than the surface event. The Wisdom is in looking for the connection between one another and gleaning the true value of the lessons hidden beneath.

I took another step, planting my foot firmly on the ground, taking care to avoid the honeybee buzzing on the clover. And as I finished my Labyrinth walk, I felt a profound sense of connectedness.

And what of The Wisdom of the Ages? Last year I attended a Christening. Four or five generations of my friend’s Italian family were present. A coworker’s wife, Missy and I watched as the great grandmother slowly rocked and talked to her grandchild.

Missy said to me “What is it about old people and babies? There’s just something about them.”
I nodded agreeing and said “Yeah, it’s like the Elder is saying ‘Don’t worry honey, you’ll be okay. It’s gonna get a bit rocky at times, but you’ll come thru it.”

Missy chuckled. “ ’A bit rocky.’ ” “Huh. That’s like when I was pregnant and I asked my Mom if childbirth hurt and she said ‘Oh….a little.’ ”

Wisdom is in the experience. And in knowing that sometimes you just have to walk thru it on your own.

So, Mom, you were right. Moms usually are. We should respect our Elders. But I’ll add that we should respect everybody. Experience, mixed with insight and awareness really does produce Wisdom.